I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
