I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
