I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
