I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
