it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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