He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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