I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
