I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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