Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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