Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
