Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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