idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
