apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
