I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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