So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
