Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
