You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
