The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
