also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
