If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We need to get me chipped asap
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
