i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
