he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
