I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
