Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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