At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
