I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
