shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
