ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
