I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
