I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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