I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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