from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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