Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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