I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
