just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
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You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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