i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
