I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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