He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
