One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
soo... how was my night?
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