you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize