i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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