From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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