I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
