i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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