I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
