i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
