I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
