My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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