so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
