I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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