woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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