hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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