so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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