Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
