dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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