I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
