I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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