We named our party play list daddy issues
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize