After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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